These Thoughts….

12-7-25

These thoughts flow through my mind uninvited. They know they’re not welcome anymore so now the words are different but the message is the same. The words they use now are meant to disguise the true message they bring. These thoughts know that I am aware of them and I’m looking for them so that I can send them back to where they came from.  Now they come in disguise so that I let them in for a little while but eventually I discover they’re true intent. This is when I take back my mind and my life and I dispell these thoughts immediately. I am learning to do this more quickly before any damage is done.

You see, these thoughts are thieves. They come into my mind and steal hope, joy, and dreams. They used to just come on in with “You could never do that, better leave it to the pros” or “Ha, really? You? You think that anyone cares about you?” Or “They’re all going to laugh at you and judge you.” I used to let these thoughts knock me down and keep me down for months at a time. Until one day I wised up. I decided that for every negative thought I had about myself, I needed to comeback with 3 positive thoughts about myself. This truly changed everything… for awhile. For years even, this tactic worked. But then the thoughts wised up too. And now they sound more like “Maybe this isn’t for me”, “This is too much work, is it really worth it?”, “Will this really lead me to the life I dream about?” Or the worst is “I’m tired. I’ll do it tomorrow. ” and “Go ahead and buy it, you deserve it,  you worked hard for that. The goal you’re saving for is too far anyways, this little bit won’t even matter”.

I allowed these new thoughts to sit for awhile and get cozy in my mind. I became friends with them because they sounded so much like truth. But the more I sat with them the more their truth began to unravel. Every once in awhile a new thought would walk by “Hey! Look at you! Getting things done and crushing those goals! Keep going, you got this!” I’d look in the mirror and smile to myself believing these positive words for a little while. Until the negative thoughts beckon me to come and sit with them again. Its cozy and comfy there. Its safe and familiar. Then another glimpse of hope walks by once again encouraging me to start again on my goals. So I kick out the negative thoughts, clean house,  and fill my mind with positive thoughts and affirmations and music and all the things. Even Bible quotes. These all work for a while, until they don’t and the cycle begins again.

So, now here I sit and ponder on what is the true antidote to this poison? What is the answer or the solution? Here’s what I know and what I have learned: When I surrender it all and force myself to just be. To not perform. To not keep to a schedule. To not keep doing more. But to just be. When I sit in silent stillness and release all of the weight and pressure that I carry. When I remind myself that none of my striving matters if it is for me and by me. If I do it all in my own strength for my own personal gain then none of it matters. And the truth is that these negative thoughts are only able to come in and get friendly because they speak to my ego. They speak to the part of me that is all about me. The selfish part of me doesn’t want to help others. It doesn’t care if others are encouraged by me, it knows they can find encouragement anywhere. It doesn’t care how achieving my goals will directly impact and inspire my family. It doesn’t care about any of that. All it cares about is safe, secure, comfort, and familiar. This selfish part of me only cares about protecting itself, and everything else feels like a threat to its safety. So this constant war goes on inside of me.

Will I ever be able to kick the negative thoughts out before they entice me to sit with them for awhile? I dont know. What I do know is that I will never stop fighting this battle. Day after day I will choose to show up and fight. For me, music and praise is my best weapon. But when those thoughts come on in they also talk me right out of listening to or singing praise. This is my first clue and yet I allow myself to go through the entire cycle before I say “No More! I’m through with you, with this!” My God is faithful and true. He has done great things in my life and I know that He will keep doing great things! I know that these hopes and dreams that are written on my heart are not lies, but promises from my loving Father! And so, my hope and joy are restored!

May you all be blessed! And remember that you ARE the blessing! Go out and bless the world around you 💜

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